Miracles. It has ALWAYS happened to me throughout my teenage years. Esp when it comes to results.......... Maybe thats why i took it for granted and just *prayed* for a good A's results. Ha ha ha. (Not that i didnt work hard for it la)
It's been almost a wk since we've all gotten our results and frankly, i feel nothing now. Really. I look at the people who went up stage and the first thing that went through my mind was: "Yeah i'll never be like them; from now on people like them are just gna be a smaller and smaller part of my life. Our lives will never cross alr. But i wouldnt wna be them cos i am who i am and i am proud to be me." How confident right. LOL.
Then results came. That adrenaline pumping through my blood as my queue got shorter and shorter. (towards Janise Phang LOL) Then it came, i took it, couldnt resist to take an immediate glance at it. And there it screams: B B B B A. B B B B A. *scan through again* Still B B B B A. *Blink blink* Turned back around to go to the back, some ppl made eye contact and all i could give was the kind of *sheepish-heh-heh-i--am-giving-this-awkward-smirk/smile-cos-i-am-obviously-not-happy-with-what-i-got* look.
Obv, i wasnt prepared for what i saw. I expected two As. And a tinyyyyy bit of me even had the
audacity to hope for three and even all As. Hahaha. Same old lesson and i cant rmbr: The greater the expectations, the greater the disappointment. I knw this, and ive been telling myself that as well. But why cant i just FOLLOW it? I couldnt. No matter how hard i forced myself to (pretend to) have low expectations, deep down i knw im still hoping and hoping for a miracle.
Not that i am devastated by such results. It was SO neutral, i didnt knw what to feel. Until i start thinking about uni, about my friends, about how shameful i should be by even
commending myself that i did well given my standards. Dont you think it's such a joke, to be happy/contended to get only ABBBB when people arnd me are crying that they missed an A? That's why i couldnt hold it. That queasiness grew all the way up to my heart, my throat, and finally my eyes. Sigh why do i cry so easily. Why cant i control my tears. I really couldnt. Esp when people start coming up to me and going "It's ok!!! It's really okay A levels are not the most impt thing." Yeah i know it's not, but anything that you say to me at that point of time is BULLSHIT. Try getting such results yourself, see whether you can tell yourself that then.
I guess i shdve just held on to my results, not look at them, and went home first. That would be SUCH a better option. But sigh no self-control so LOL open first. Then cry. Then people would think "wahlao still cry she so lousy shdve expected herself to screw up. Bet she got Cs and Ds". Ugh. So much for trying to hide my feelings. DAMMIT.
Oh wells. But at least now, no one would care about other ppl's results as much i think. So im feeling ~zen~ again. Except i am still troubled over what course i shd take. I want SMU acct but i dont think i can get in with my results. Still, im gna give it a shot. Im gna give my best shot at the interview. Then im gna get in SMU acct, work so hard i will look like a cui person, do lots of research, be annoyingly participative during classes, get a bad-ass internship, impress the boss, secure a job (even before graduating), graduate with awsm results, get that bad-ass job, earn big bucks, climb up the ranks, earn even more big bucks, be even better, earn so much big bucks i can fold origami with it and have extra, AND FINALLY FIND ALL THOSE PPL WHO'VE LOOKED DOWN ON ME AND SHOVE IT IN YOUR FACE MAN.
Ok that felt good. Abrupt end again. Bye.
