Let's hope this will work out. Cos im a grown up now and i know this is something different. Special. One of a kind.

Because Im lonely? Because Im afraid (of commitments and getting hurt)? Because I just want someone to need me for once. ME, not other people, even if it's only temporary. And even if it's for all the wrong reasons

I think i finally know how the world really works. Hmmmm.

Never smart enough, never skinny enough, never pretty enough, never pro enough for dance, never hardworking enough, never kind enough, never cheerful enough, never focused enough,
never enough.

Am i the only one who felt completely out-of-place, sian, frustrated, disgusted, and nonchalant when i went back to hc during MAF???

Fb just makes things even more meh and ew for me, coz of ALL the ppl reminiscing and going OMGAWD I MISS HWACHONG SO MUCH I WNA CRY and stuff.

I mean, yeah i understand how sad you are that you arent in the elite school being the elite bunch of students with yr elite group of friends anymore, i miss nanyang that way too but you dont see me going all retarded over it.

Or maybe, these people are simply hating army/uni life. WELL SUCK THUMB :D

COZ IM ENJOYING / LOVIN SMU SO VERY MUCH <3

The friends ive made over a short span of 1mth hold dear to me so much more than those "friends" ive made throughout the 2 years in JC.

Oh and emix is pretty awsm so far <: MY LIFE IS FINALLY ON TRACK.

Dance, studies, friends, family. YES THATS THE WAY TO GO. GOGOGO

Day one of week 2 only and im starting to experience some negative stuffs about school.....

1) Class part. Ok this hasnt been THAT bad, coz i was expecting more irritating people + bullshit..... But more on my own side, i have thoughts most of the time but i just cant find the right time to express it out + not confident enough i think :( Maybe after more lessons it'll be better..... I HOPE

2) Scheming people. Okay, maybe person, coz of this girl from my twc class today. She was obv trying to get this other law girl (who spoke up a couple of times + very articulate + good points to share) into her grp, and daoing me / another girl who was just next to the law girl..... And whats worse, the ONLY time where i contributed (successfully), the prof forgot and thought the contribution was from her -.- And when he was like "it was you, wasnt it i cant rmbr", all she did was GENTLY shake her head, like hello just say it's not you lah then i can also shamelessly say "actually prof, it was me" LOLLLLLLLLL okay not a big deal but STILL. :/

3) Be a scheming person. Okay okay contradicts with point 2), but srsly, gotta look out for yourself most of the time man. Not necessarily BE SCHEMING, but you gotta rlly start thinking and doing things for yourself. Like my twc today, knew no one there, and we gotta have our grps done by this wk. Meaning, if i dont have any friends and i dont go and find ppl to grp with by the end of today, i would most prolly end up as those remaning ppl and anyhow grped with weird / self-mugger / random people. So yeah, after class was sooooo tempted to turn arnd and ask the two guys (coz each grp need 3) if they wna grp tgth but at the same time like abit very desperate, + not v nice to the viet girl sitting nxt to me coz i couldve just asked her..... So i just walked out of the SR and kinda like... gave up / left it to fate? Then i met Lucas and i just ranted about the grouping stuff (actl i think i was subconsciously finding someone to give me that extra push to rlly go up to the guys and ask them), then he was like "Yeah just go for it, see that guy there just go ask!" And thankfully one of the two guys were outside the toilet, so i just went up to him and asked AND YAY NOW I HAVE A GROUP. Totally not what i'd normally do but, i was desperate.

4) TIRED. :( How to survive school + cca (if i can get in emix/indancity) + tuitions + social life!!?????????? :(
HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW

Okay, i should prolly get back to studying :'''''''(
First bgs lesson tmrw. Wish me luck.
AND DAMN MY CT HWK.

Quite contended with life as of now :)

A whole new world of excitement and opportunities awaits, i hope im ready to embrace it :)

HURRAY TO LIFE. (and non-hc people)

Is suicide an option again?

Someone save me

Shut your slut mouth and stop trying to break other people's friendship. Bitch i officially hate you.

THF, you are a fucking hypocrite :)

Oh and pls wake up, you didnt become chioer after you cut your fringe, it just hid more of your face thats all.

Toodles.



Ps. I wouldnt be surprised if she told EVERYTHING we bitched about to *those people*. Thankfully i was smart and hid lot of things from her. Yay. I should go be a fortune teller.

Pps. In case you're reading, you will NEVER have any true friends, mark. my. words.

I should really read Nick Vujicic (sp)'s book from the first page till the last. He is such an inspiration, and i will never, ever be as courageous as him. Not even the slightest bit.

The same feeling of inadequacy is engulfing me once again.......

Sometimes i feel like i can be depressed no further. That is when i think suicidal.

SMU Accountancy, BE WARNED. Here i come.

LOLOLOLOLOL. More like i shd be warned. Spent most of the day combing through forums and concluded that SMU is going to be hell of a rigorous school and i btr buck alllllllll the way up if im thinking of making those big bucks in the future :/

OK NO LIFE HERE I GO. But i still want to join a cca LOL. And be able to spend quality time with my family........ That's all i ask for.

Sorry hun, it doesnt work like this

At my all-time lowest.

NO ONE would ever understand me. Ever. And i dont expect anyone to. Blame it on my own incompetency to express myself through words. Then again, is there really a need to?